Within the next chapters of my book, I walk the reader through the negative experiences that further shaped my development.

Injury from sexual and physical abuse is a given—we know these wounds physically need to heal. And yes, the psychological impact took a great deal of time and work for me to overcome.

But what has had the most lasting impact on my life—and on others—are the emotional wounds that were not visible.

Through years of counseling and working with healers, I began to understand the long-term effects of what I was exposed to. This understanding became a pathway to healing.

Understanding ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences)

Compounding traumas have a collective label known as ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences).

ACEs are traumas or experiences that a child endures between the ages of 0 to 18 years. These exposures can lead to long-term side effects, including:

• Weakened immune system

• Chronic illness

• Premature death

• Negative coping mechanisms

• Substance abuse

• Addictions

• Dysfunctional relationships

• Mental health issues

The severity of these traumas is measured on a scale from 0 to 10, with a score of 4 or above being of grave concern.

I scored an 8.

Illness: My Rock Bottom

Illness was ultimately my rock bottom in my 40s.

I became lost in the medical system, with no known cure. I was sent home with medication to combat the symptoms that were crippling me, without any deeper understanding of their root cause.

Unreleased trauma in my body had manifested as illness.

The chapter titled “Dungeons and Dragons” was one of the most difficult to write. It halted me for months. I grieved horribly after putting pen to paper.

The flashbacks, night sweats, and terrors consumed me. The memories haunted me. I was grieving the loss of someone I loved dearly—my blood, my kin.

To grieve the living is a horrible pain, one not often recognized or understood.

I escaped—God willing. The strength I found in protecting my children gave me the courage to get out.

In our family tree, I wanted my limb to have a chance. I wanted the generational trauma to stop. I wanted to give my children the opportunity to create a bloodline of love, free from toxicity and trauma—for their generation and the generations to come.

A Room in the Basement

I endured a great deal of physical and verbal abuse during this time.

Spanking was acceptable in this generation, and the strap was still active in schools. To a degree, this was considered normal for many.

And though in some cases the intent was not to harm, the emotional scars left behind needed the opportunity to be released.

There was a room in the basement, tucked in a back corner, beyond the washing machine, hidden behind a curtain.

The walls were painted foundation, the floor rough and cold like cement. Leather belts hung from the ceiling.

I was never taken to this room.

But I still hear the cries and screams and the crack of the belt hitting skin to this day.

I hold so much guilt over this. That I caused it. That I didn’t run down and stop it out of fear I would be beaten too.

I still wake from night terrors about it. I still carry the guilt to this day.

The Weight of Generational Trauma

I have experienced:

• Generational trauma

• Parental alienation

• Grooming

• Sexual abuse

• Verbal abuse

• Physical abuse

• Statutory rape

• Miscarriage

• Narcissistic abuse

• Other forms of compounding trauma

A child’s environment psychologically impacts them, leaving an imprint on their soul.

These exposures may have begun in the womb or even generations before them.

The soul remembers.

Children exposed to ACEs do not deserve a life sentence for choices made for them.

As children and as adults, they have the right to be seen, heard, understood, and allowed to heal.

It’s time to stop the shame and remember the children of our world—and the inner children within our adult race.

A Grateful Heart

In speaking my truth, through the aid and support of Powerful Books, I further overcame and transformed.

I am forever grateful for Perry Power and the community of support he has created for survivors.

May this movement spread like wildfire, allowing other survivors to come into the light. In numbers, we have a chance of changing our world.

To learn more about ACEs, visit: Public Health Ontario - Adverse Childhood Experiences Report

May all be seen, heard, and understood.

Love and light,
Jocelyn.

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