As survivors of childhood trauma, we often seek validation for our existence and worth. The trouble is that, when we were young, trusted individuals treated us in ways that made us doubt ourselves. This led to behaviors that helped us survive then but are now holding us back.

External validation drives us to please others, succeed beyond a doubt, and prove our worthiness. Learning to validate yourself takes time and effort. Trusting your instincts and accepting your inherent worth empowers you to live as your best self.

Practical Steps to Self-Validation

Here are some tools I’ve used to replace external validation with self-validation. Practicing these skills can help us become more aware of how much we rely on others to champion us versus how much we champion ourselves.

Journal of Awesomeness – In this journal, I write down moments when I recognize myself for being amazing. It can be as simple as:

• “I made a healthy meal for my family.”

• “I intentionally connected with a friend today.”

The idea is to acknowledge yourself for your actions and choices—to recognize that you made the decision to be amazing!

Self-Compassion – The fact that we take the time to heal and unlearn self-limiting behaviors is proof that we are worthy of compassion. We have already come through so much, and while we may falter at times, we can practice self-kindness.

When you catch yourself falling into an old pattern that no longer serves you, remind yourself:

“This is no longer who I am.”

Acknowledge it, learn from it, and choose differently next time—with understanding rather than judgment.

Actionable Step

Reflect on one way you’ve relied on validation from others and how you can practice self-approval this week. It can be as simple as saying:
“I did my best to show up today, and I am happy with how that went.”

Here’s to reclaiming your power and creating a life you love.

Until next week,
Debbra Blosnich.