Tanya,

I see you.

I see the weight in your eyes,

The fear wrapped tight around your heart like barbed wire,

The loneliness, the anger, the insecurity —

The constant fight inside you,

The fight to belong, to find a place,

A home.

But deep down, you know you don’t belong there,

Not with them, not in this place,

Where shadows loom and trust feels like a joke.

I know you miss Mum,

I know you do.

It’s hard to even breathe her name,

Like the air gets thick,

Like the world crushes you every time you try.

Your throat closes up,

Your chest tightens,

Your face burns like fire,

And you feel like the weight of the world is on your back,

Pushing, pressing,

Until you can’t breathe.

But listen to me.

It won’t always be like this.

One day, you’ll be able to say her name aloud.

One day, you'll say it without choking on the grief,

Without feeling like you’re being swallowed whole.

You’ll be proud of her — her strength, her fight,

Her wild, untamed spirit.

And you’ll share her with the world.

And maybe, just maybe,

You won’t feel so alone anymore.

But right now?

Right now, you’re at their house again.

That house.

I see the fear in your eyes.

I see how it twists your gut,

How it freezes you in place.

You try to fit in,

To be part of this family,

To make it feel like a family.

But it’s not.

You know it’s not.

And it’s not safe.

You don’t feel safe.

You’re just a child.

A child in a house of strangers,

But they’re not strangers.

They’ve known you your whole life,

But they’re not who they seem.

And you’re confused.

So damn confused.

These are Mum’s friends.

What is happening?

What is happening right now?

You don’t know what’s wrong,

But you know it’s wrong.

You know your body is screaming,

Your mind is on fire,

Your heart is racing.

And you can’t escape the feeling,

The feeling that this isn’t just wrong —

It’s dangerous.

And you feel it.

You feel it in your bones,

You feel it crawling under your skin,

You feel it in the pit of your stomach.

But you don’t have the words yet,

You don’t even know what it is.

But girl, your body knows.

Your body is screaming for help.

And what do you do?

You run.

You run.

Look at you, Tanya.

Look at you.

You run from the wolf,

You run from the monster,

Even though you don’t have the words to name it,

Even though it feels like your skin’s being peeled off,

Even though your mind is spinning and you can’t make sense of any of it.

You run.

You do what you have to do,

Even if it feels wrong, even if it feels like a nightmare,

You run.

And it feels dirty.

It feels wrong in your soul.

Like you’re carrying the weight of a thousand secrets.

Like it’s your fault,

Like you let it happen.

You feel muted, terrified, ashamed.

But listen to me, girl,

You’re not the one who’s wrong here.

You didn’t deserve this.

You didn’t ask for this.

And one day, you will have the words.

You will know the word grooming,

You will know what that is.

And the shame you feel right now?

It won’t be yours anymore.

The words will come.

The power will come.

But today?

I’ve got you, girl.

I see the strength you don’t even know you have.

I see you standing,

I see you running,

I see you surviving,

Even when the world is trying to swallow you whole.

I see you, Tanya.

And I’m so proud of you.

You’re 16 now.

Sixteen.

And you’re lost,

So lost.

School is a cage,

And your mind is a labyrinth of chaos.

You hate it there,

You hate everything,

You hate feeling like a ghost in your own life,

Like no one can hear you,

Like no one sees you.

They don’t see what’s happening inside you,

They don’t see the storm,

They don’t see the fire burning you from the inside out.

They just see the angry, crazy girl.

They just see the liar.

But they don’t see.

They don’t see how much you’re hurting.

How much you’re fighting to keep it together.

How much you just want to scream,

To shatter this world that’s trying to drown you.

But no one believes you.

No one.

Not about Dad’s girlfriend.

Not about the abuse.

Not about the things she says, the things she does.

No one listens.

They say you’re too much.

Too angry.

Too loud.

But they don’t know what’s happening behind closed doors.

I know, Tanya.

I see you.

I see the pain.

The anger.

The rage that you want to unleash on the world,

On her,

On everyone who’s ever hurt you.

You want to rip it all apart.

You want to tear her apart.

You want to scream until your throat bleeds,

Until your fists break something,

Until someone finally sees you.

And for a moment?

You almost do it.

You almost break,

You almost explode.

But what stops you?

It’s not fear.

It’s courage.

You find courage, even when you don’t know it’s there.

Courage to walk away from the only life you’ve ever known.

Courage to leave that house.

To leave that home.

At 16.

You walk out, girl.

You don’t even know it yet,

But that courage?

That courage will carry you through hell.

It will carry you through everything that comes after.

It will carry you across oceans,

It will give you a voice when you think you have none.

It will give you the strength to speak out,

For your family,

For yourself.

And one day?

One day, you’ll see it.

One day, you’ll look back and say,

“I’m proud of that 16-year-old girl.”

And girl, I’m proud of you.

I’m proud of us.

Tanya, you are not broken.

You are not what they told you you were.

You are so much more.

You are everything they tried to crush,

And you are still standing.

I see you.

And you are so damn strong.

Tanya.

———

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