What happens after the "death do us part" moment?

When your spouse, your life partner, your soulmate—dies. Where does all the love you shared go? Does it fade away, or does it transform into something else? And when it comes to finding love again, how soon is too soon? Is falling in love with someone new even moving on, or is it something more complex?

Recently, I read about a famous dancer whose husband died by his own hand two years ago. She’s now dating again and has spoken about the deep love she feels for this new person. While many celebrated her journey and wished her happiness, others were quick to judge. Comments ranged from, “Good for you! You deserve love and happiness again,” to, “Isn’t it too soon? How could you move on so quickly?” This made me reflect on how society views grief, love, and the concept of “moving on.”

The truth is that grief doesn’t have a timeline, and love is far too vast to be confined to just one chapter of our lives.

Does Love Die With Them?

When your life partner passes away, the love you shared doesn’t die. The memories, emotions, and the life you built together remain vividly alive within you. While the future you once dreamed of with them may be gone, the love you shared is safely tucked away in your heart, woven into the stories you tell, the lessons you carry, and the way you honor their memory. But here's the thing: new love does not erase or dishonor past love. It doesn’t replace what came before—it adds to it. I wrote in my book, The Day I Learned to Pump Gas, that learning to love again is like a new branch growing on a tree. It doesn’t take away from the strength or significance of the other branches; it simply grows alongside them, nourishing the roots and expanding the tree.

Is Falling in Love Again “Moving On”?

Grief and love are not linear. Falling in love again isn’t about leaving your past behind—it’s about allowing your heart to grow. Think of the Grinch in the famous scene where “his heart grew three sizes that day.” That’s what it feels like. Your heart expands, making room for someone new while still holding tight to the love you’ve lost. This process can feel like a betrayal at first, as though opening your heart again means letting go of what you shared with your late partner. But that’s not true. The love you once had doesn’t disappear; it simply changes shape. You’ll still miss them, crave their presence, and hold onto the life you built together. But over time, your heart heals enough to make space for someone else.

How Soon Is Too Soon?

There’s no universal timeline for grieving or for finding love again. What’s “too soon” for one person might feel like an eternity to another. Only you can decide when your heart is ready to open again. Some people may judge, questioning how you could move forward or why you want to find love again. Their judgments are often rooted in misunderstanding or fear. But this is your journey, not theirs. You don’t need to justify your desire to love and be loved. The Gift of a Growing Heart When the time is right, you’ll feel it. Whether it’s two years or ten, the decision to love again is deeply personal. It’s not about replacing what you’ve lost—it’s about embracing the possibility of new joy, companionship, and connection. Love is boundless. Your heart has the incredible capacity to hold both the love you’ve lost and the love you’ve found. When you allow it to grow, you honor not only the one you’ve lost but also the gift of love itself—something so enduring and expansive that it can transcend even the greatest heartbreak.

Your journey is yours alone. Take the time you need, listen to your heart, and remember: it’s not about moving on. It’s about moving forward—with love, courage, and the beautiful memories that will always be part of you.

Tanya.

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